consistent parenting advice
consistent parenting advice

Working with Emotional Intelligence

Here are some useful steps to take in working with emotional intelligence. If this is new to you, be kind, gentle and patient with yourself as you open to different and more vigorous ways of thinking and being. working with emotional intelligence Plan to set time aside evey day to focus on working with emotional intelligence.

Ideally this would include a period of quiet time for journal work about your feelings and some deep breathing and meditation to help to integrate your new awareness.

Be patient, gentle and loving with yourself. However, be prepared to be excited by the changes this can bring into your life.




  • Step One
    Awareness - In order to grow, you need to recognise, and understand what it is you are feeling. If you can't read what your feelings are telling you, then you don't have access to important information about what needs to change, and what defenses you have set up in your inner world which have helped you to survive. Use the phrase - be aware - alike a mantra.


  • Step Two
    An internal locus of control - Change your thinking. How your locus of control is shaped is usually determined by events in your childhood, whether you were empowered or defeated by negative events in your life. This generally determines how we respond in our adult life to circumstances. A sense of helplessness is both generated and maintained by our thoughts and attitudes.

    Those with an external locus of control tend to indulge in generalisations and grandiosity - their speech peppered with I can't, I have no choice and I am powerless. An inner locus of control tends to acknowledge the power of freewill and the realization that we have the ability to make a choice in how to react and respond to situations.
  • Step Three
    Change your attitude - take a good look at how you tend to view life's challenges. Are you quickly beaten down? Do you have a tendency towards blame, feel sorry for yourself and play the victim? Or do you tend towards optimism, remembering your strengths and capabilities and ask for help when things are difficult? Can you change your inner voice from negative to positive self talk? Can you witness yourself falling into a victim mentality?
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  • Step Four
    Cultivate a strong network - of positive and supportive people - ones you can trust and turn to when life gets tough. Being supported though another's strength and care helps us to maintain a positive perspective, especially if we are able to accept positive feedback and have to ability to easily ask for help.

  • Step Five
    Pursue spiritual thinking - Question, argue, study and meditate on the place of spiritual thinking in your life. Spend time cultivating a positive, compassionate and open heart. Practice mindfulness and feed your spirit through peace, nature, love and care.

  • Step Six
    Laugh as often as you can - . People who laugh a lot tend to be more joyful, less anxious, maintain higher physical health and experience less stress. Try to lighten up and adopt a sense of humour. It brings a greater sense of perspective to life's troubles.

  • Step Seven
    Develop greater self love - make it your mission. Have frequent checks with yourself to assess what your needs are. Love your body by taking care of it. Exercise regularly, eat a nutritious diet, drink plenty of water and watch your needs for sleep. Your body tells you what it needs if you listen to it. Play often, nourish your soul with times of quiet, listen to music, roam in nature, and walk by the sea. Fall in love with your own soul by taking time to be alone with it.
  • Step Eight
    Slow down- If you find you are constantly rushing, take long deep breaths and slow yourself down. It is impossible to hear, and interpret correctly, the strong voice of your feelings if your listening is rushed and inattentive. Aim for attention to detail. It takes time but the reward is infinite in terms of developing emotional maturity.

  • Step Nine
    Nourish your intellect - feed your mind with rich language, different thought forms, engaging debate, colourful articulate people, engaging art work, astonishing theatre and awe-inspiring music. Do it differently - watch movies that come from outside your normal viewing - read books from opposing sections of the library, listen to music you think you may not like! Try something new!
  • Step Ten
    Change your habits - doing things differently from your everyday routine allows for greater awareness, change and progression. Habits keep us stuck and sometimes the rut is deeper than we are prepared to acknowledge. Begin with simple things, like eating breakfast before your shower instead of after, changing the route you drive to work, drinking tea instead of coffee. Eat different foods, play another sport,engage with change on every level. Build up to changing habits that have you bound by the ankles. It can change your life!

Working with Emotional Intelligence is the Greatest Gift to Yourself

Working with emotional intelligence is the greatest gift you can give your children.

Your enriched attitudes, awareness, and positive changes are the best way of working with emotional intelligence for your family life.

Your children will 'get it' from you.

I would encourage you to take the time, have patience, and be compassionate with yourself while you look at different ways of changing your thinking.

It can be very painful to encounter within ourselves attitudes, beliefs, and feelings which have been part of our emotional and mental outlook always, and with newfound awareness, no longer serve us well. Do seek professional help if you encounter this. You can then move forward with more ease.



More articles in this series:
Emotional Intelligence - What is it?
Having emotional intelligence means not only recognising your emotions but acting on them reflectively and rationally. It also involves your ability to feel and express a whole range of feelings and to understand your resistances, boundaries and projections while moving toward emotional wholeness.

Building Emotional Intelligence and Resilience
We need to be able to step back, allow ourselves the time to feel our feelings and to look for the messages they convey to us. We need to understand why we feel in particular ways and what these feelings mean for us. Then we are able to change negative emotions into positive ones.

Working with Emotional Intelligence
Here are some useful steps to take in working with emotional intelligence. If this is new to you, be kind, gentle and patient with yourself as you open to different and more vigorous ways of thinking and being.

Social Competence - developing social intelligence
Social competence is learned by children through observation and participation. Children learn social competence from how their parents treat them, and how their parents treat others. Then they put it into practice on each other.

Happy Child - helping our children to express their feelings
There is a great deal we as parents can do to help our children to acknowledge and express their feelings, to become a happy child.

How to express emotions through talking
Talking about how we feel is really one of the most adequate ways of expressing feelings. It takes courage, timing, opportunity and a good listener. This is important.

Releasing emotions through crying
Crying is a natural way of releasing emotions from our bodies. Those, for whom crying comes easily, often remark about how much better they feel after a good cry. But for many, there is much fear associated with appearing vulnerable and letting go, shame about being seen to cry, or a life time of suppressed tears that just will not come.








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