Spanking Children

Spanking children as a method of controlling their behavior
has become the subject of heated debate today in many countries.
What's your opinion?

Many people use as their evidence 'for' spanking, that they themselves were spanked as children and it did them no harm, they say.

On the other hand, many can tell absolute horror stories of the punishments meted out to them by 'loving' parents.

Read about the consequences of this parenting - Toxic Parents

There are many parents who bleieve that spanking their children is their choice and their right, while there are just as many parents who are completely appalled that parentis whould administer spankings to their children in the name of love.

Here in New Zealand where I live, there is much debate about whether parents should be allowed to spank their children.



In fact there has been quite bitter discussion about a new bill that is before parliament on the legality of spanking children.

This is what the subject brings up for me:

At my local supermarket there are two large metal bins that I pass by the door on my way out.

They are receptacles for provisions for helping others.

One is for the local SPCA, the Society for the Protection of Animals, and one is for people in need. Shoppers are encouraged to place non perishable food items in the bins, which will then be collected by helping societies and distributed out to those in need.

My observation is that the bin for animals is often near to overflowing with cans and packages of food for cats and dogs, while the bin for people rarely has more than one or two small tins lying on the bottom of it.

Spanking Children - How is this connected?

It seems to me a straightforward way of showing that people see the welfare of animals as more important than the welfare of people in our society. We tend to help animals in need more readily than we do people.

Somehow, I think this is tied into our attitudes about hitting others and calling it discipline or control.

Recently, I was told of a family who were observed while playing at a local park. A little girl mistakenly ran headlong into her father, while chasing after a ball her brother had kicked to her. Her father lashed out with his arm and knocked her to the ground with such force that the child just lay there. The father could be heard yelling at her, telling her to watch where she was going or he'd knock her stupid head off. The child appeared to be around six and was very slight, while the father was a large man in his thirties. He responded when questioned, that as her father, he could do what he liked. He regularly spanked his children "if they played up" he said. Fortunately for the child, this is no longer true. The little girl actually required hospital treatment, but has made a good recovery and help has since been sought for this family. I believe this story illustrates the point about the supermarket bins, as I'm told that while the man was answering questions about his behavior to his child, he was affectionately fondling and petting his dog, while his child lay on the ground distressed and injured.

Why is it that people often have firm views about animal cruelty and welfare, but appear ambivalent about spanking or hitting children?

For some parents, rethinking their modes of behaviour takes great strength of character, but the rewards are priceless.

Spanking Children - Child Discipline

I believe that if that father hadn't regularly been in the habit of spanking children, he would not have been so quick to hit out at his daughter when he felt cross because she bumped into him.

Discipline without spanking is completely possible. It requires consistent effort and takes more time than a spanking. There are just as many people who were raised without a spanking or belting as those who were.

Rather than being disciplined through fear, they are disciplined by love and respect. They learn quickly to have love and respect for themselves and those around them. They learn to do the right thing because they understand the reasons why and know it for themselves from the inside out.

Clear, firm and consistent patterns of discipline can be learned, even by those who tend to lash out first and think later. It is every child's right to KNOW they can trust their parent's boundaries. So firstly, become firm with your own boundaries and then apply this to your parenting discipline.

Parents who see their children as people, complete with their own personality and a sponge - like capacity for learning, are more able to see child discipline as a teaching tool rather than as punishment.

I encourage you to read these 21 Practical Alternatives to Spanking Children which have been written up for Barnardoes, a social support service for families in New Zealand.

More Help With Spanking Children and Discipline:

I have been really interested in all your feedback about parenting and discipline.

This is a subject that many parents feel very passionate about. Some feel the word should never be used in conjunction with children as it conjures up harsh images of punishment.

For other parents,however, discipline speaks of limits and consequences and they feel strongly that setting boundaries and routines is a sound principle of discipline.

What is your opinion?

Do contact me and share your ideas

How to Discipline Children

How to Express Emotions

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