Releasing Emotions

Crying - the natural stress reliever
Crying is a natural way of releasing emotions from our bodies.

Those, for whom crying comes easily, often remark about how much better they feel after a good cry.

But for many, there is much fear associated with appearing vulnerable and letting go.

Shame about being seen to cry.

Or maybe a life time of suppressed tears that just will not come.

Let's face it - babies cry.

Our toddlers howl, storm, rage and tantrum.

Our children weep, sob or wail.

But are we, as parents, as adults, able to avail ourselves of this amazing, natural, available system of stress relief or has it been conditioned out of us?

Can you, and do you cry?

Releasing Emotions - Big Boys Just Don't Cry

We all know about 'big boys don't cry', or, 'come on, you're too big to cry!'

We've all caught ourselves saying, 'stop crying', or 'don't cry', or 'that's enough now!'

So many of our males have been indoctrinated with this catch cry, sadly, from when they were just little fellows too.

Many females have also received this same childhood conditioning too. If expressing feelings was contrary to your family's way, male or female, you will have learned to store up your tears.

Crying is not a weakness; it's a natural, inbuilt, human response to sorrow, pain, fear, anger, shame, grief, despair, depression and sadness.

It's also a built in response to joy, feeling deeply touched or moved, feeling loved, being awed, feeling overwhelmed, and experiencing tenderness.

The strongest males I know are definitely the ones who are able to cry when they need to.

Many people have told me that they find it far easier to respond to gentleness with tears, than they do to stressful events in their lives.

Releasing Emotions - Too Scared to Cry!

Both males and females often tell me that they are too scared to cry. When I ask why, most immediately reply, because I'm afraid I'll never stop!

My response is to encourage the person to let go and cry because usually nature takes care of that.

At some stage during the tears, we all need to get a drink, find a tissue, go to the bathroom, or just stop through sheer emotional exhaustion.

If we just trust in the process of crying for release, and really allow ourselves to express our pain, fear, discomfort, hurt, rejection or whatever is behind our tears, we find that our bodies just seem to know when enough tears have been shed.

• Releasing Emotions - Afraid to Feel.

I suggest it is not crying itself that people are afraid of, it is getting in touch with the feelings themselves that we fear. And yet, time and time again, people have told me that the most amazing things happen when, during times of stress, they allow themselves to really feel their feelings.

• Releasing Emotions - Chemical Release

Release, relief, and relaxation occur. The flood of tears is cleansing, freeing, opening and relieving. Tears contain different amounts of chemical protein and hormones and releasing these may keep depression at bay and serve the purpose of restoring the body's chemical balance after a stressful event has occurred.

I believe we need to make the most of releasing emotions through crying, when the timing is right for us.

When we understand just how well this amazing function releases tension from within us, perhaps, as parents, we will be more able to allow our children's natural tears, and be less inclined to smother them, brush them away, shorten their flow, shut them up, or make them feel ashamed.

• Crying During Counselling

During a very difficult counselling session, I put my arms around a woman and pulled her head down to my shoulder, murmuring soothing words to her. She began to cry, and then continued to sob without ceasing for almost an hour while I held her.

Several days later, she rang to tell me that for the first time in years, she was now sleeping steadily though the night, felt more capable and aware, less exhausted and lighter within herself. For her, a miracle had occurred, and all she had needed was the permission, the time, the attention and the place. She often says that a really good cry now helps her to know her own truth.

• Releasing Emotions Safely

If you know that this is what you need, find a safe place and give yourself permission to go for it. Wrap yourself up in a blanket, or cuddle a hot water bottle - climb into your bed or fill a hot bath, ask for a loved one to hold you, or be where you feel the most held, and then release your tears instead of bottling them up.

You won't break down, crack up, or fall to pieces, but you may be broken open and rise renewed.

Feeling your feelings is a brave and courageous act and one that replenishes you, and brings you home to yourself.

• Allow Your Child's Tears

Allow your children's tears to flow freely, before you hush them. Tell them you understand why they feel upset and that crying is the best way to heal that.

To Demonstrate:
I once saw a child fall heavily onto the concrete, only to be hauled up quickly by the mother and told, "Stop it, you're alright, you're not hurt".

Several days later, in almost the same spot, I watched another child fall. His mother knelt down, put her arms around him and said, "Yes, you've hurt yourself. Have a cry and then we'll see if there's a mark on your leg to show Dad what has happened."

Releasing Emotions - Pay Attention

As you pay attention to releasing emotions, acknowledging your feelings, accepting yourself, and then truly being yourself fully, you grow up emotionally and begin to achieve your full potential.

The run on effect means that your children will be encouraged to feel their feelings, rather than suppress them, and will become happier and emotionally healthy.

Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser I heartily recommend this excellent book Elizabeth Lesser has beautifully written a clear, wise account of suffering, showing how to emerge from pain and grief with real, encompassing wisdom and love. This is a book you will refer to again and again, and one I would not be without. It has pride of place on my book shelf because it's message works and is true.

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More articles in this series:
Emotional Intelligence - What is it?
Having emotional intelligence means not only recognising your emotions but acting on them reflectively and rationally. It also involves your ability to feel and express a whole range of feelings and to understand your resistances, boundaries and projections while moving toward emotional wholeness.

Working with Emotional Intelligence
Here are some useful steps to take in working with emotional intelligence. If this is new to you, be kind, gentle and patient with yourself as you open to different and more vigorous ways of thinking and being.

Happy Child - helping our children to express their feelings
There is a great deal we as parents can do to help our children to acknowledge and express their feelings, to become a happy child.

How to express emotions through talking
Talking about how we feel is really one of the most adequate ways of expressing feelings. It takes courage, timing, opportunity and a good listener. This is important.