Parenting Mistakes

Many parenting mistakes are the result of not taking enough care of our own self respect.

Parenting is a difficult job and one for which there is no manual.


However, parenting provides us with many opportunities for self discovery, self reflection and for self improvement.

If we use these opportunities we can also grow up emotionally while our children are growing and developing.

Our children have enormous capacity for growth and learning and continually absorb from us what we teach through our actions, thinking, words, and attitudes.

Awareness of this can keep us motivated to explore our own inner growth.

Here are some common parenting mistakes.

Parenting Mistakes - Being Inconsistent

• Being Inconsistent

It's really tough on kids when you come down hard on them one minute and then give in the next.

Do you realise how much this creates anxiety in your children?
They need to know they can trust you, trust your decisions, trust your thinking, trust your word.

If this is your parenting style then take a big step back and examine your reasons for jumping between yes and no.

Is it that you have trouble making decisions?

Are you worried about upsetting your children?

Is it just laziness?

Were you too quick to begin with?

Do you not trust yourself?

Do you listen to others then wish you hadn't?

If you are strict one day and then appear indifferent the next, how are your children to learn what your expectations are?

Read about how to be clear, firm and consistent. The results will speak for themselves.

Was inconsistent parenting your experience when you were a child?
Read about Toxic Parenting

• No Routines, Schedules or House Rules

Having no structure to our family life just makes life so much harder than it needs to be. Just imagine a train running with no timetable, or waiting for a doctor who makes no appointments. Just imagine having no meal times or celebrating birthdays only when you feel like it.

Chaos reigns instead of order.

We need plans, routines and schedules to organize our days. Children function best when they know ahead of time what to expect, where to be, and how to carry out their plan. It isn't difficult to organse things better - it only requires awareness, discussion and a plan. Take a deep breath and have a good think about the chaos that exists in your home and begin by writing a list of what you want and need to change.

Remember this:
Fun and spontaneity occur naturally when everyone is at ease.

• Do As I Say, Not AS I Do!

Is this you?

Children absorb what goes on around them. As parents we don't even have to spell it out - they observe, and then act accordingly. Becoming parents brings the responsibility and opportunity for awareness to clean up our own behavior, to check out our own responses and to amend what falls short.

Take a long, hard look at how you conduct yourself before your children and ask yourself if you are proud of what they see? In no way should your own actions cause you to feel embarrassed or ashamed in front of your children. This point leads on to the next one.

• Untruths, Half Truths And Dishonesty

You are their first and most powerful teacher. Your children can detect untruths and half truths with their detection radar as easily as you can in others.

The problem is that your children look up to you, admire you and need your love. They don't have the language to point out what they just observed. And even if they could, they mostly wouldn't. Instead, they lock it away inside themselves, with shame.

Let your children be the means of providing you with truth serum! Clean up your act and be their hero instead of teaching them about shame and confusion.

It only takes some awareness to live a more truthful life.

• Acting Like A Doormat Or Their Servant

Running around after your children teaches them disrespect, intolerance, and laziness. Providing no consequences for bad behaviour teaches them that you don't care, so they don't need to either.

Give your children strength and stability to look up to.

Display behaviour that you want them to emulate.

Let them learn by their own actions.

Give them responsibility in your household daily tasks

Treat your children as the intelligent beings they are and allow them the opportunities to grow and learn for themselves. If doormat behavior is your way of doing things, take the time to question why this is and seek professional help to amend your ways for your family's sake.

• Unrealistic Expectations

This is a tough one and it requires thoughtful perusal and open reflection to establish whether our expectations are realistic. Many parents err on either side - some have very low expectations of their children and so inhibit their natural growth, while others are so unrealistic that their children cave in under the pressure.

It's a good idea to have regular conversations with other parents to ascertain whether your expectations are age appropriate, and that they match your child's emotional development.

Parenting Mistakes - Don't Despair!

Don't despair if you see yourself in some of these parenting mistakes. They can always be rectified and you can always make choices around your own behaviour.

Never be ashamed of saying sorry to your children - or admitting your mistakes to them.

Your children can learn some wonderful ways of coping by watching the steps you take to repair some of your parenting mistakes.

Parenting Mistakes - How To Cope!

• Be Consistent
  
Be clear, firm and consistent in the way you deal with your family. This way they have clear emotional boundaries around them. More security for them makes your parenting job easier!

• Take Care of Yourself
  
It's important work raising children and takes enormous amounts of energy to keep on top of their frequent emotional demands. Be aware of your own needs for food, water and sleep and take care.

• Ask For Help
  
It's not feasible to think that you can be full on for 24 hours, 7 days a week- do ask for support from family and friends and have some time out for yourself. You will be able to be more patient and loving with your children then.

More Help:

Create some Parenting Magic for injecting fun into the constant responsibility of parenting. Great advice for parents!

Free Printable Behavior Charts
Free printable behavior, chore, potty charts and more with lots of helpful parenting tips and information!

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