Attachment and Parenting

The notion of attachment and parenting has had some interesting media representation over recent years. During discussions with some parents, I have heard them represent attachment parenting negatively, fashioning it as a collection of people associated with activities such as co-sleeping, lengthy breastfeeding, and sling wearing. 

It could be that in our predominantly consumer driven society, there is more emphasis placed on the paraphernalia of attachment parenting philosophies in the media, rather than on the philosophy itself. 

It would be very sad indeed to think that some parents miss out on understanding the value inherent in this approach to parenting because they see it as a style or trend rather than as an all enveloping concept of basic parenting. Understanding what is at the heart of attachment and parenting is critically important to our babies brain development.  

In order to grow and develop, newborns need our positive time and attention, to be nurtured and loved, lots of physical touching and handling, constant loving response, and to have all their needs met with warmth and reassurance.  Cherish is nowadays a very old fashioned word.  But it seems to me that it encompasses all the vital understanding of attachment and parenting. 

I believe that attachment parenting is at the very heart of our humanity. With each new born baby, an overwhelming sense of responsibility is brought to the new parents. Before them is the enormous task to parent well and to raise a healthy, intelligent, happy child.  Alongside this runs all the parents’ hopes and dreams for the little one’s future, as well as the unease of fear about being adequate towards this massive undertaking.

Many cultures confirm their acknowledgment of this by teaching that their babies are to be continuously carried, (attached) to the mother until a certain age. 

Some cultures believe that babies maintain their attachment to the spiritual world as a soul until they are placed on the ground for the first time at around six months old. Until then, they remain continuously attached to the mother.

It has been an interesting experience for me to speak with people for whom this is a firm belief.  They are often completely amazed by our ongoing debates around sharing a family bed versus sleeping in a crib, or breast versus bottle feeding.  For them there has never been any need for this style of debate let alone any room in their belief systems to accommodate it.

Positive physical touch is the most vital of all the sensory experiences. It helps to build the networks in a baby’s brain development, building the circuits that bring a sense of reward, pleasure and belonging. Positive touch feels good and without it devastating problems can be caused. The other circuits which are created by this attachment are empathetic bonds to others. Understanding the needs and wants of others is an essential part of functioning as a whole person, both within our family and within the greater community.

In order to build and develop your baby’s intelligence, physical interaction with your baby is both necessary and critically important. This touch is translated into the love and nurture that are required for the development of the brain in the early years. It has the two fold effect of building safety and security and a sense of belonging, while also bringing an understanding and empathy for the needs of others.  This is vital to being a part of both family life and to the wider community.

A sense of belonging is created through attachment parenting, and this sense is essential to children as they take their place in a wider social setting.  It encompasses extended family, school and community, and begins with a strong attachment with parents. 

There are many places where we can seek out extensive education on attachment and parenting.  It is the basis for much psychological research, forms the basic tenet of many parenting groups and provides the central format for multitudes of books and Internet groups.

Here are some suggestions to broaden your understanding on attachment and parenting.