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Be Consistent, Issue #004 -- Ideas about Discipline
July 09, 2008
|Hi There! and a warm welcome to any new readers.......
I hope you enjoy reading this newsletter as much as I enjoy putting it
Ideas about DisciplineThis month I thought it would be interesting to look at the word Discipline especially as I have received heaps of mail from people wanting to discuss different ideas around parenting discipline.
Just as there are many different parenting styles, there are numerous ways to discuss and apply the concept of discipline.
Often I find that the use of the word discipline ignites a fuse with some parents.
One father even told me that I should be ashamed of using the word on my website at all - this is because he equates discipline with the harsh and punitive measures that were meted out to him by dominant and authoritarian male figures in his childhood. Many parents can tell horrific stories of being hit, smacked, belted and punished as small children, often for quite insignificant offenses.
However, equally as many parents seek help with their children today because they have been raised in the opposite environment where no structures or limits were set. This creates a huge problem for them as they struggle with behavioral issues today with their own children.
The Golden Rule
It seems to me that the best rule of thumb to follow when we are unsure about any of our reactions and responses as parents is to follow the golden rule.
* "Do to others as you would have them do to you".
* Respond as you would like to be responded to.
Because children are people too, I believe that children have the right to be treated as I like to be treated.
* I do not like to be yelled at, pushed, slapped, hit, or physically mistreated in any way.
* I do not like being ignored, bullied, shamed, threatened, smacked, ridiculed or laughed at.
Therefore I believe it is a child's right to expect the same behavior from me.
Is there a way that we can incorporate the golden rule into our discipline parenting style?
Setting limits and boundaries for children is reassuring for them, and it is their right to expect it from us. How else will they learn to set their own limits if we don't show them?
The first rule of thumb about discipline and children is to come from a place of love and respect for the children.
The second rule of thumb is to learn to be consistent within ourselves.
The third rule of thumb is to seek help before problems escalate.
Talk with your partner, your friends and with other parents you trust about any problems you experience around setting boundaries with your children. If problems are bigger than that - seek professional help.
Realize that we all tend to follow what we know - this means if we have experienced harsh methods we tend to emulate them - if we have been over protected we tend to repeat that pattern too.
How can we find a place of middle ground with discipline and our children?
Think about self awareness -
Acknowledge your parenting style -
Talk about change and how you could do things differently -
Ask for help and advice -
Practice the golden rule in your relationships with all people - which means children too.
Here are some articles about different aspects of Discipline and Children:
How to Discipline Children
Raising Emotional Intelligence
Parenting NewsSaturday June 28
by Joseph Then
Let's face it; all of you would agree that raising children is one of the most difficult jobs in the world and a job where one is the least prepared. You may wonder what parenting tip you need before you bring that little child home. Some of you may even read on books on parenting skills. Well, you do not need to worry anymore. This article offers you all you need to know about parenting.
On the brighter side, I am sure that all would also agree that parenting is also one of the most rewarding jobs. This article will give you insights on parenting skills and how to be more prepared should nasty circumstances happen in the future.
Well, most experts agree that parents to be consistent, set limitations and give positive reinforcements to the child. They also advice us to give the child an environment that breeds self improvement, self worth and self esteem. Here comes the problem. Practicing what they teach us.
With all in the daily life, it is easy to get distracted with everyday stress and unfortunately some parents, if not all at times, tend to bring those frustrations and stresses out in the way they interact and communicate with their children. This is unacceptable because as a parent we need to control our own emotions and not to let our emotions affect the children.
Many of us will pick up our parenting skills from our parents. We watch and have our own opinions of on our own parents manifestation themselves when we one day become one ourselves. However this can be of a bad influence if we are brought up in a not so good environment.
Someone who had a bad childhood can be trap in a vicious cycle if they do not recognize the faults and mistakes in it and learn some skills to correct and overcome the situation. It is best if parents were to identify patterns of abuse and neglect and take necessary measures to stop it from happening.
I would like to highlight two main points. Parents are often confused between punishment and discipline. Punishment is really a way of conquering the child physically. Although this shows improvement but this will scare the child and lead them to feelings of anger and fear. Discipline is much more empowering as it teaches the child the consequences of making a decision. This is a much healthier approached. Also this would prepare them as they grow older.
Kids are born curious, and with this curiosity in them, it helps them to learn more things and they should never be told not to be curious. One thing to emphasize is that no parents should let their children to be stress with ridiculous expectation of them. Having the kid to go through harsh parenting can result in severe damage the kid growth.
Believe me, once you start to apply this. These are the best parenting skills that I can offer you. It is not as scary as it seems but being a good parent is definitely a challenging task. Keep your mind open and you would surprise with the results. Being a parent is about following your gut feeling and your heart. Everything else will come into place.
About the Author:
Can anyone be a good parent? Yes, why not? Parenting is tough but it is a fulfilling job for all parents. Learn some parenting tips by visiting my information site today www.parentingskill.info
Quote of the month:
It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.
Many thanks to those of you who have taken the time to share your comments and experiences - it is always appreciated and much of what you share is incorporated into the web site.
Parenting is very much a shared experience, and nowadays the internet means that happens more easily than ever before!
That's all for this month - Cheers everyone.
Don't forget to keep in touch
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